Dealing With Loss

Recently I have found myself challenged with the loss of both of my Grandad's. Within the space of a year and a half, my family have had to say goodbye to two wonderful people, who as a child I spent most weekends with, adventuring, seeing the animals at the local children's farms and looking for baby frogs in the garden. 

I have learnt a lot about myself during these hard times, mostly that I am extremely sensitive to other peoples emotions and whilst I can put on a brave face, sometimes I get caught out and the guard falls down. Somehow I can feel myself having two options:

1. Wallow and become consumed by negative thoughts.
or
2. Remember my Grandad's for all of the happy times and everything they taught me.


When I lost my Grandad Kit, it was the first time I had ever lost anybody super close to me. The whole experience will stay with me forever and there is nothing I can do to change it, but now that I have gone through this for a second time recently with my Grandad Derek, I understand now how much you learn from losing someone you love.

The first time, many of my friends would say I took it very hard. I stopped eating regular meals, I didn't sleep very well, I quit the gym due to not eating properly because I didn't have the energy and it was all I could think about for months. Now however, I noticed I have behaved differently. I have realised the importance of looking after yourself, keeping your strength up and taking the time to rest. I'm a bugger for admitting defeat when I'm tired and run down so to actually be able to sit and read a book, do my nails and watch films one after the other is quite a big achievement for me. Also what I now remind myself, is none of our loved ones would want us to not be taking care of ourselves.

Another great way of coping with loss I find is making a photo album or a scrapbook of special memories with our loved ones. I find my photo album extremely comforting to look at when I'm feeling low and I also like to collect literally everything James and I do together so that I can scrapbook these memories too. Cinema tickets are a personal favourite, but I have made it my new years resolution to take more photos because we have hardly any together. When I was a child, I used to hate it when my Grandad Kit whipped out one of his many cameras and summoned the whole family for a quick shoot, but now I'd like to carry on this irritating tradition and become that person with a camera in peoples faces all the time. 


Its also times like this when it becomes more apparent that we really should be making the most of every day. Sometimes its easy to fall into a downward spiral and think there is nothing good about your life but if you step back and appreciate the little things, its much easier to stay positive and remain grateful for all of the wonderful things you have. I did a drawing today of one of my favourite 'little things' in life. Dunking cookies in milk. Nothing beats snuggling up in front of the fire with a film, dunking cookies in milk.

Remember to carry on and stay strong. 
It'll be okay.

Ellis x

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