Anxiety - An Update

The past two months have been crazy. I reached a point where I realised I couldn't carry on the way I was and decided to reach out and get help. Not as easily done as it is said. I feel like I've been in and out of the Drs more often than I have changed my socks. Not actually a literal statement, but I wanted to express that I have pretty much set up camp at my local GP establishment, not that I never change my socks.

So anyway, I have swallowed my pride and gone onto some medication to try and level out forward slash unblock any brain functioning my above organ seems to be not so skilled at. I have started to see a psychiatrist in an attempt to explore another avenue in order to learn how to manage my pesky Anxiety Disorder.
I wanted to document all of this on my blog since lets face it, its life, its embarrassing, its confusing and its sure as hell scary so why not share it with the internet.

Lets start with the medication. I'm taking a little drug called Mirtazapine. This little sucker has made me feel like the walking dead. The FAT walking dead. I have put on nearly a whole stone in weight (I hopped on the scales today after finally feeling like I could face the numbers…) and I'm not surprised because this is one of those tablets that makes you hungry. I'm normally a snacker, little and often with me thanks. But no, this has turned me into a constantly grazing wildebeest. 

Last week I actually went for a blood test under the recommendation of my recently acquired psychiatrist to check there weren't any underlying problems. Little did I know, things like thyroid, calcium and all your vitamins can contribute to mental health. So the whole experience was hands down one of the scariest of my life. James came with me and luckily I had a lovely nurse who really took her time with me and the whole thing was over and done with in a flash. I highly recommend Emla cream if you're terrified of needles like I am as it numbs the area (cream both arms though just in case!) and you can get this from pharmacies pretty cheap. I honestly didn't feel a thing and I feel much more confident about blood tests now should I need another in the future. 
I was so proud of myself for going through with it that I bought a few treats from Morrisons afterwards and thoroughly enjoyed a Maccies milkshake in the car on the way home.

I've also never felt so bad as I did the first week I was on the new medication. I had no energy and was staring blankly into space a lot of the time. All I wanted to do is sleep, didn't want to leave the house or do any exercise. I felt like a complete and utter zombie and it was horrible. Now they have settled into my system a bit more I feel much better and I'm also capable of processing thoughts and feelings which I was struggling with before all of this went forward. I managed to gain some energy in my second week and went off for a good Primark rummage with my Mum which was very much overdue. I bought myself some lovely new tops and pyjamas along with some snuggly socks. I may or may not have also bought more unicorn trainer socks to hopefully bring back some gym motivation and then stumbled upon some llama socks! LLAMAS! 

Whenever I'm feeling down or I sense an anxiety attack lurking, I go into 'feel-sorry-for-oneself-mode' which I think sounds more pathetic than it is but it helps. I love snuggling into my pyjamas after a hot shower, in front of a film, Netflix or YouTube which a huge mug of green tea and maybe a snack. Its even nicer when Custard decides to join me. Something I am especially loving at the minute is Rub Rub Rub by Lush which is a shower gel scrub packed with salt and clean freshness. My skin has been breaking out so much, most likely due to all the chocolate I've been consuming, but this scrub has helped clear all the crap out of my skin and get it back onto the path of clarity. It smells amazing and the colour is beautiful. 

I feel like with somethings you really have to hit a certain rock bottom to be able to rediscover or even redesign yourself and I kind of feel like thats my next step. Something I have always wanted to learn and develop a solid skill for is Reiki. My Mum learnt Reiki a few years ago now but it has fascinated me for a long time. I have come to the conclusion there is no time like the present to go ahead and finally go for the things that we as busy humans always put to one side for a rainy day. I feel that Reiki will help me to manage my anxiety even better and I will hopefully achieve inner peace by doing so. I have recently taken to sage smudging at home and rebooted my crystal collection. I have been collecting crystals since I was a child and have even got James into  them too but I don't believe I have ever fully committed myself into being a more spiritual person so that is where I am going to take myself from here.

As always I am continuing to do my Llama Talks Etsy shop but its been quiet the past couple of weeks. I had lost all motivation to do anything and as a highly creative person, I think this is why I was feeling even worse for it. My little shop has come a long way since we opened it last Spring and I can't wait to start putting lots of effort into it again. 

Usually I don't even share things this personal with family or friends let alone the big wide universe that is the internet but mental health and disorders can make us feel like no one understands and that you are alone. I would like to say you are not, you are loved, you are wanted and you are important. 

Help is ALWAYS available. 
If you can't tell a friend or a family member, then I highly recommend the Samaritans. You can email if you don't want to call, but they respond sharpish and are there to listen.

Ellis x


  1. Hello! I love your blog so much; you have a really beautiful design! I really liked what you said about rediscovering or redesigning yourself when you hit rock bottom. I think that’s a really interesting point. I have followed your blog because I think it’s so good!!! I would love it if you had a look at my blog; I’m a very passionate blogger but I’m quite new and really need the support! Thank you so much, Jeani xxx

    1. Hi Jeani :)
      Thankyou so much for your positive feedback, I hope this post helped even just a tiny bit. I'll head on over to your blog now :D can't wait to see it!
      Ellis x


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