Bullying

This post is ridiculously personal and I probably shouldn't even write it at all but when something bothers me so much, I want to learn from it and try to help others.
This past week I've been targeted by an individual who has made me feel so stressed, worried, anxious and on edge that I've also ended up feeling embarrassed to have let them affect me so badly. This has nothing to do with blogging or YouTubing, in fact these are places I come to escape and talk to friendly, caring people.

In the past, I've suffered from eczema which hardly ever flares up now unless I'm in an extremely stressful situation. Even my worst anxiety attacks haven't resulted in a flare up so it goes to show how awful this person has made me feel now my skin is red raw, burning and flaky. I've also not been sleeping. Having just filmed my first YouTube video in two weeks, its obvious to me how little sleep I've been getting. I've been knocking back the Valerian Root and living off energy drinks because food has been making me feel even more sick. I eat everyday but its been a struggle. I look like a drug addict even with makeup, my eyes are swollen, my skin is raw and the cold that was beginning to disappear came back with a vengeance. 

When you're told you have no common sense, are a disappointment and should know better by someone who hardly knows you OR the situation they're judging, it feels like shit. And its even worse when a person is oblivious to how they're speaking, the words they choose or the tone used with them. When a person is unapproachable, twisting, awkward and has a personal vendetta against you, it makes it even worse. I'm unaware of anything I may have done to this person in the past to give them such a hatred towards me, but let me tell you, I must have really mugged them off in a previous life.

Moving onto my goal for this post, I want to try and not let words and opinions hurt me like they have done this week. This person is not loosing sleep over me, their skin hasn't flared up all over their body and they're sure as hell not struggling to keep a meal down. I'm also going to have to face this person a few hundred times more and in the very near future so its time to whack on my defensive invisible bubble and make things ping away rather than absorb all this negativity.


I'm angry and frustrated that one person has made me feel this way and its a bugger that I can't express more of whats happened here but I'm so done with worrying. I'm also done with forgiveness with this one individual because lets just say, this has been an ongoing problem for at least two years. Forgiveness is a great thing to practice and its also the healthy option, but in this case, I'm so done with forever forgiving someone who despises the air I breathe and for no reason. Its no surprise to me that I feel slightly better after typing up this post because this was my intention to begin with and one day, I hope to open up more about bullies and ways of dealing with them, both from experience and not. Right now its not wise but I will NOT let this person control my emotions anymore.

Thanks for reading,

Ellis x

*Image from Pinterest via theyallhateus.com

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