Coming Off The Pill

This has been playing on my mind for nearly a year and I’ve finally made the decision to bin the pill. Ever since I discovered it can effect your mental health as well as contribute to other nasties, I’ve wanted to come off my contraceptive pill to see if there is any improvement with my mind and also, I just don’t feel healthy pumping hormones into my body every single day. I’m the type of person who rarely takes any medicine. If I have a headache, I ride it out. I have a 4Head stick and paracetamol in my bag for severe migraines because occasionally I will get those and I can’t even open my eyes it’s that bad. But for colds, there is nothing a pack of tissues and a hot water bottle can’t solve for me. I’m a little prone to tonsillitis and only then will I get antibiotics from the Drs because I’ve seen tonsillitis turn into sepsis for a friend from work so its important to get it checked out. But back to the point, I rarely take tablets.

I was dreading making the first step. I thought my first period would be long and ridiculously painful when coming off the pill after 7 years but here I am, still in my pjams with a hot water bottle and its no more uncomfortable than I remember it to be. Emotionally however, I'm a nervous wreck and have been crying over Creme Eggs and cups of tea. I’ve been on the pill called Zeletta for 3 years and this pill is designed to be taken every single day with no break as you would with the standard pill. This means some women have no periods at all, some have them occasionally and some stay regular. I haven’t had a period for 3 years. THREE. Is that normal for a female body? Each to their own, but as I’ve got older I can’t seem to justify doing this to myself any more.

Then there’s the C word. No you filthy animals not down there. The dreaded C word that haunts most families and is literally caused by anything these days. Tap water, tea, coffee, artificial sugar, oxygen, you name it. It’ll probably cause cancer. The pill is also said to higher the risk of breast and cervical cancer alone so another great reason to toss it down the toilet and be rid of it. Which brings me onto my next mission – get a smear. I got invited to get my first smear test done last July and would you believe it, I booked myself in for one. Then I had the accident with my hand and my smear was on the same day as my hand surgery so I had to cancel. I’ve been putting it off ever since, thinking ‘I’m not technically due til I’m 25’ and ladies, this is not the case. Get yourself down to your clinic and get one. We’ll do this together. I turned 25 in November but you can request a smear whenever you so wish and you don’t need to have reached the ripe old quarter of a century to warrant one.

So the next question is, what other methods of contraception will you consider Ellis? Well the whole point of coming off the pill is to stop filling my body with hormones. I understand why people are against condoms, ‘mood breakers’ and all that but I need to fully explore the world of birth control a little more. As for infants, as a 25 year old who will be 26 this year, if it happens it happens. I’ve been told by many friends and family members there is no right time whether the reason may be financial or living arrangements, but I’ve got to a point where if I were to fall pregnant, I wouldn’t feel as though my life was over. Lets be honest, we’ve all had pregnancy scares haven’t we? I had to take a test the week after Christmas because I was being sick in the morning, had sore nips and extremely light spotting but for the first time in my life, I was a tad disappointed when it came back as negative. We’re not trying for a baby by any means, but whilst pregnancy still scares the living hell out of me, I’m no longer frightened or embarrassed by what other people might think.

And should I feel a little excited about trying new menstrual products? Why the hell not?! I’ve been contemplating trying the Mooncup and I think I may order myself one. I have no problems using tampons and pads but the Mooncup is said to be healthier and better for the environment so I’ll obviously be reviewing it here when I purchase one. If you’ve tried a Mooncup, do comment your thoughts and experiences if you’re comfortable to do so. I’d love to know more.

Thanks for reading!

Ellis x

Moving House Update

So my posting has been stupidly poor since the start of this fabulous new year (no sarcasm intended…or maybe it is). We've been waiting to move house now for six months. SIX. Its been delay after delay after delay and this week, we're supposed to be completing. Today, we were meant to exchange contracts but our sellers decided there was something wrong with their mortgage offer so its been delayed again. How they've only just noticed this I have no idea, but if we don't complete on Friday as promised, I may blow a fuse.

Tomorrow I'm off for some much needed retail therapy with my friend Vik because to be honest, I'm sick of working my ass off saving for this house and having no fun times. I've got some Christmas vouchers to spend so eff it. Ellis needs some loving. I'm missing my blog terribly and also making videos for my channel. A huge thank you to the people who have been subscribing whilst I've not even been uploading, it means the world!

Its also frustrating because we've been living out of boxes for a couple of months now after being told we'd be moved into our new home for Christmas which obviously never happened. We've decided that this weekend however, providing that we've got the keys, we'll decorate the bedroom to make it all nice ready to move our stuff in as we've booked a week or so off work. I think I'll give my office space a few licks of white paint too so its not so dark and gloomy to work in. Its a little boys bedroom right now! Honestly though, I'm a little bit doubtful towards the whole thing, its been going on for so long that I'll believe we're moving when the keys are in my hand!

Anyway, I thought I'd update you all on where we're at and hopefully my blog will be back to regular posting in no time! No doubt I'll have plenty to talk about :)

Thanks for reading!

Ellis x

2017 Resolutions

Lifting the mood from my last post, I've had a bit of time to think about things I'd like to work on this year. The first few days of a new year always get me a bit down in the dumps and I worry that I've not done enough with my life and I panic that I still don't really know what direction I'm going in. I don't have any majorly huge new years resolutions but here goes:

Read more
For at least a year I've been telling myself I need to get back into reading. My bookcases are rammed with books I've never even opened, I just buy them on Amazon when I find one I like the sound of! There are also at least 5 that I've started, got half way through because of forcing myself to read that far when I wasn't even enjoying the story lines and then they've been abandoned with the book mark still hanging out. At the moment I'm reading 'Reasons To Stay Alive' by Matt Haig and so far so good!

Learn to knit
I love trying new crafts and for a while now I've wanted to learn how to knit. For Christmas I got a kit from James' parents which makes an Olaf dog jumper. A lovely lady from work has been teaching me to cast on which for those of you who don't know, its like the starting point of loading your needles with wool. I'm yet to move on from this because in all honesty, I just don't get it and YouTube help videos are so quick and I can't keep up no matter how many times I pause it haha! But I've started becoming obsessed with wool and every time I see some in the shops I'm like 'ooooh pretty colours' then James reminds me I can't even knit yet.

Travel more
Money may be a bit of an issue for this year as we'll most likely be spending ours on decorating our new house and making it just how we want, but I've booked a sneaky 3 night trip away to Amsterdam for our wedding anniversary and James' birthday at the end of March. Amsterdam is somewhere neither of us has ever been and it will have been a year since we went abroad when we go so we're very excited, plus its not breaking the bank. If you're wanting a little holiday but don't want to spend too much, check out because its a great way to shop around, it shows reviews, gives a personal travel guide when you book and provides restaurant and sight seeing ideas. Not spon, just an awesome website!

Let things go…
This one is actually continuing on from something I started to practice this time last year. I'm still guilty of hanging onto some things, but a year ago I used to worry and whittle about silly little things until it made me feel sick. My friend Gemma describes it as making mountains out of mole hills, and I often use this quote in my head when I'm reviewing a situation. I find spending a couple of minutes assessing how much of a big deal something really is can alter your perception of it big time and its better to spend a couple of minutes reminding yourself of this than spending hours or even days worrying for no reason.

Stand up for myself
I was walked all over last year by certain individuals which I won't go into right now, but looking back I'm not entirely sure why I stood for it. Environment, thats what. Sound confusing? Yeah I'm sorry, workplace - say no more. But this year I'm cutting the crap and not putting up with being disrespected. This goes for blogging too. Recently I've been receiving emails from people asking me to illustrate for them for free, or promote their brand or products without anything in return. Nope. This year I'm going to treat my blog with the respect it deserves and also not do myself in trying to please others all the time. Just for good measure, I've dug out this photo of me from a photography lesson at Sixth Form. Say hello to 17 year old Ellis.

So I think that'll do for now. I have a huge pile of washing up demanding to be sorted and my kitchen is also half packed away. Oops! And yep you guessed it, we still haven't moved house nor do we have a date, but as always I'll keep you posted :)

Thanks for reading!

Ellis x

*Amsterdam and knitting photos from

Time For A Change

Starting off 2017 with what may seem like a depressing post, but the start of a new year always ignites my biggest fear more than ever. Most people have a huge fear of something like spiders or heights. I get scared around needles and big spaces, even deep water but ever since I lost my Grandad in 2014, I've had an overwhelming fear of death and not just my own. This only got worse when my second Grandad passed away in February last year and the fact I pass a funeral directors every morning on the way to work makes it impossible for me to avoid. 

I'm scared of dying.
I'm scared of the way I will die, when, how long it'll take, will I be alone, will I have any family left? I'm terrified. Cancer terrifies me. Its everywhere; advertised, people constantly advising what to avoid and what not to do to our bodies. Its exhausting. Its creating unnecessary worries within ourselves that is probably contributing to illness anyway. Its an endless nightmare. 

I'm also scared of losing loved ones, especially my parents and my husband. Buying a house has made this even more of a worry as you have to take out life insurance and discuss things that are so depressing it makes you question the entire purpose of life. James plays rugby, and one day he came home from a match and told me a lad had died on the pitch. He had an underlying condition, but ever since I'm absolutely petrified of him playing. I really do appreciate James being in tip top physical condition - he loves to work out, eat well and look after himself and rugby is in his blood. The amount of times we've argued about it is crazy because the way I feel comes across as not giving a rats ass about one of his biggest passions, but truth is, imagining him being biffed around a pitch and coming home scuffed, bruised and cut up each week really upsets me. 

Then there is getting older. The other week, my sciatic nerve started to absolutely kill and I found myself waddling around and struggling to bend. At 25 this shouldn't be happening but my job involves a lot of bending and picking things up so I'm not surprised its started to take its toll. My anxiety issues are mainly triggered around death, health and oblivion. This year I want to try and tackle this, starting with taking better care of myself, eating better, exercising often and not wishing the days away. They pass by far too quickly and before we know it, its Christmas again and a new year slaps us round the chops demanding resolutions and positivity. 

I always try to keep my blog as upbeat and positive as possible, but sometimes we just have to be real and honest so tonight, I felt like writing about this. I'd like to include more around fitness again in my blog and maybe even share some food style posts. I've also booked a little trip away for the end of March so hopefully, this will help to boot my fear of travelling in the goolies and I hope to make some progress here too. So enough of the doom and gloom, I wish each and everyone of us a very happy 2017 and I look forward to challenging myself for the better. 

Thanks for reading,

Ellis x

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