Scrapping The Traditional Wedding

I've not really spoke weddings much on my blog and that's probably because when we got married last year, my blog was still very young and I didn't have much confidence with sharing anything too personal. Over a year later, everything is spilled here and I thought I'd share with you all what really happened when we tied the knot.

Unlike a lot of people, getting married was never something I was overly keen on. Announcing the engagement was even worse. I hate being centre of attention, despise it even, so when the time came to telling people we were getting married, I was mortified. Because here's the truth, we decided together. There was no question asked, no overly romantic scenery or holiday, no posh meal beforehand. Just a standard cold Christmas over at Flat 4 and realising we'd already committed to spending an eternity together. Marriage seemed logical and whilst it wasn't something either of us felt we had to do, it was something we thought, why not? We discussed getting married and decided we'd 'get it over and done with' and booked into our local registry office for three months down the line. We told who we had to tell (meaning parents) and that escalated to us having to tell grandparents because it would have been classed as rude if it didn't come from us. Siblings were told and after that, it was left to the rest of the family to spread the word. We honestly didn't care.



We also knew we didn't want a big wedding and it was really difficult and awkward having to tell family and friends they were not invited. That's really quite a harsh thing to say, but I also found it rude of people to assume they were invited because that's just the done thing. This is how things get out of hand and we faced many disappointed faces and reactions but do we regret any of it? Big firm no. In the end, we had our parents there and that was that. I have two extra parents as my Mum and Dad are both remarried, so even that started to feel like it was getting too big for me but I wanted them there. We also talked about having our brothers there, but that would have meant inviting their girlfriends which also would have meant it would have been rude to not invite our own grandparents, so we decided enough was enough before it grew into something we didn't want. A parents only, ridiculously quick ceremony and a fancy meal afterwards.

My dress was from Forever 21 and it was a lacy, cream coloured number that looking back, I absolutely hated wearing because at the time, I was feeling really uncomfortable with my weight after being on some anxiety medication and it didn't flatter my figure at all. Point is though, you can find some really pretty dresses from your standard clothes stores and you don't have to spend thousands on something you'll only wear once. As for my flowers, they were so last minute but I grabbed them from eBay literally for no more than £10. They were foam rainbow roses so not only do they look way better colour wise than real rainbow roses, they looked very authentic even close up and I got to keep them afterwards. I bought enough so that James, my Dad, Stepdad and Father in Law could each wear one and they could keep theirs afterwards too. My Mum took photos for us and they aren't perfect, some are blurry and there isn't a single photo of our family with everyone looking at the camera but they illustrate what a care free, laid back atmosphere it was for us and I love them for it.



Weddings can often turn into the opposite of what you want it to be (not trying to put anyone off) and I'm so thankful to have been able to stick to what we wanted, a relatively stress free ceremony. We booked a lovely meal at one of our local restaurants and my brother turned up for that afterwards. James' brother was in the Bahama's studying which was unfortunate but it was a really lovely afternoon and we had most of the restaurant to ourselves. The other bonus to keeping it small and local was the owners of the place went more than that extra mile to ensure we had a wonderful time and it was all very personal for us.

Even our Honeymoon wasn't an exotic trip away to a beautiful red hot island with massages and cocktails. We went to Dublin because it was cheap and easy but because we'd not spent loads on our flights, we went for a fancy castle hotel for three nights and treated ourselves whilst we were over there to nice food, a bit of shopping and sight seeing. For me, having James' second name was the most exciting part and I much prefer my new last name to my old one. It does make things slightly easier as well when you go for things like joint bank accounts and mortgages but that doesn't mean to say you have to get married to do those things. 

If marriage is something you want to do with your partner, I can't stress enough how much it is your day and no one else's. Looking back, I'm so glad to have kept it small and can't help but smile to myself when friends tell me how completely stressed and fed up they are with planning their own wedding. I have a friend who told me she really admired what we did and that it had inspired her to do the same. Over a year later, she's spending over £20k on her wedding which for a lot of people is a deposit on a house. Eloping and tiny ceremonies are becoming a lot more popular these days and I think it's really important to have a solid think about what you and your partner want out of your day. If big, white and traditional is what you want then fantastic! If you want to keep it small, modest and close family only then it's just as wonderful, trust me. 

Thanks for reading,



3 comments

  1. I love this post so much. Firstly that photo of the two of you is gorgeous. Secondly, I'm actually quite envious. I've always wanted a church wedding, which I'm having, but that was all, and the rest has somehow spiralled with other people getting involved and while it's lovely that other people want to help out, it makes it very difficult to say no - I've even asked Sam if we can just elope because it's all getting too much!

    I'm so glad you had the wedding that was right for you :)
    Hels xx

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    1. It's so easy isn't it for things to start to get out of hand and I can completely relate to people wanting to help etc. If eloping is what you decide to do, it'll be just as magical and equally as romantic because you feel such a sense of romance sneaking away together and keeping it intimate. Either way, I really hope you're special day is perfect and I can't wait to see photos!
      Ellis x

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  2. I love this post so so much. I am someone who's recently been thinking about marriage. Not because I want to get married anytime soon, but because I'm thinking about the ceremony itself. I don't want a big wedding. I actually want an extremely intimate wedding. The problem is, being hispanic, it's so important for my parents that everyone important is there. Not important to me, per se, but super important to them. I'm a little bit divided on what to do, because I really don't like to be the center of attention, so I know I don't really want anything big, but at the same time I would love to please my parents! This was such a reliving post, to read to be honest! I love knowing that other people have done the small wedding and your family didn't hate you too much xxx

    Melina | www.ivefoundwaldo.com

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