Six Months Self Employed

I did a post at the three month milestone after going self employed early this year and it's now been six! It feels like only last month I was still in pieces physically but more mentally over the strain my old job was causing and it still baffles me that I gave them five years of my life just to be told not to bother working my notice and to just go. They made out they were doing my a favour because I expressed (multiple times before the resignation) how stressful the role had become and how ill it was making me, so I was told to not bother coming back. Anyone else would have danced with joy but in my head I had 4 weeks to wind down and spend some time with the dogs in my care before I left. Not just hand my notice in and job done, on top of not receiving the traditional business send off. Anyway, I think I'm 99% over that now and it's been 6 months today since I left that place forever.

The first three months now looking back over that time, I think I was just taking it easy and getting myself into a routine. I was working super hard don't get me wrong, but I was trying to work all of this out. It felt like I'd almost left my old self behind and had the opportunity to start a fresh new me so I did just that. It felt very strange when I met new people and they asked what I did; I felt really proud and confident to tell them that I now worked for myself. I used to have to go to the post depot at least three times a week when I wasn't working from home, simply because I was always missing my parcels due to being at work. The man at the depot always used to be so chatty and when I went there a couple of weeks back to retrieve a parcel, he had been wondering why I hadn't been popping in anymore and I had to explain I now worked from home and even six months down the line, it still makes me feel all fuzzy inside being able to say it out loud after so many years of dreaming.



In terms of a routine, I still go with how I'm feeling on the day and I think that running a shop, channel and blog allows me to choose which to work on that day, whether to mix them together and do a bit of each (usually this happens every day) or whether to just focus on one area. I allow myself between half an hour and an hour for lunch to have a proper break but that doesn't mean I don't sneak downstairs for a cup of tea throughout the day (who wouldn't?!). I try to get in some exercise everyday which is usually yoga and of course the housework needs doing but it's so much easier to manage these days. I spend plenty of time with my dogs and my mental health is better than it has been in months, perhaps even years.

Putting aside the feeling of living the dream, what is also a truly beautiful feeling is when people tell you how well you look. Even my Nana, who is infamous for commenting on my appearance whether it's my ever changing pastel hair colour or my complexion, has taken to telling me every time I see her how healthy I look. Of course, I take the opportunity to drop into my responsive thanks that the vegan lifestyle helps, but friends and family aren't stupid. These days I look in the mirror and see a difference and it's amazing really how mental health struggles show physically after battling for any amount of time. Friends and family know it's not just the vegan diet, they know I'm not on the verge of a meltdown anymore and it's reassuring for me as much as it is them that I'm now in a much happier place.

It pains me to admit to myself that I feel I left it too long before leaving my job; I feel ashamed that I didn't realise the importance of my health and continued to trudge on through just waiting for the perfect moment to stick my middle finger up at the fat cats in suits. If I'd have left it any longer, I'm not entirely sure I would be in a very good state or even here at all. I wasn't in a very nice place, it was putting strain on every relationship I have in my life and not just my marriage...how could I have not seen what it was doing to me? How could I have not seen just how bad it was? Had it become normal to look like a long term drug addict, quickly loosing weight, loosing hair, fingernails, covered in stress rashes and having no appetite except for coffee and Valerian Root pills? I'll never put myself through that again.



Working from home and working for myself has taught me so much already; that discipline is an absolute must and not just for actually doing work whilst being in the comfort of your own home. I'm the complete opposite, I just can't seem to stop working and I have to remind myself that I can allow a couple of days off a week and it doesn't actually matter when those days are. A regular steady income I do miss and I've had to adjust to having very little money and assess what is wise and what isn't to be spending it on. I worry quite a lot about money but who doesn't, that's the way I try and look at it. And hey, it may be a worry but I sure as hell am not stressed and anxious to the extent I was six months ago. My hair has started to grow back and I now cut it myself every 4 weeks to save money and also help to get it back to a lovely condition...it was split end central! My finger nails are still all ridged but my cuticles have grown back and the rashes have completely gone. I drink plenty of water and very rarely have coffee these days, my appetite is healthier than it has ever been and more importantly, I feel and look healthier overall as a person.

Thanks for reading,





4 comments

  1. I'm so glad you're feeling better in your mental health. I'm actually not going through a great time at the moment and it helps to know that people can come out the other side. You deserve much better than your old job - they sound absolutely appalling and I'm so glad you're out of that now. You should be super proud of yourself and all your amazing work! I absolutely love your blog and am spending a cosy Sunday reading back through your old posts!
    Kate x
    http://www.findingkate.co

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  2. I'm SO glad to hear that you're feeling so much better. It's amazing how much of a physical impact stress can have on you. I'm so so happy for you that you're managing to live out your dream

    Steph - www.nourishmeblog.co.uk

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  3. When I left my job just over a year ago now I went through very similar stages to what you describe. The first few months were really just about finding my routine and figuring out how it was all going to work. Now, honestly, I would never go back. I love the flexibility of working from home, setting my schedule, and dedicating my time to things that I am truly passionate about.
    I am glad to hear that it has all worked out for you and that you're feeling better! You deserve it!

    Britt | http://alternativelyspeaking.ca

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  4. it's always scary making a big career change, but good on you woman! its incredible that its made such a difference to your mental health, i find im quite the opposite in fact. i love the job im doing currently and it really soothes my mental health just being there and around everyone! funny how we're all different, ain't it?!

    sooo glad to hear how much better you're doing ♥♥ i hope you continue to freakin LOVE being self employed!

    katie. xx lacoconoire.com

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